Where do I even begin?!?
The last few weeks have been a whirlwind of emotions that I don’t even know how to explain. I mentioned in my last blog that I was really struggling, that I was so broken, but I kept persevering and the Lord brought me through those days.
In the last two weeks, I’ve experienced three types of emotions with three different babies. I’m going to try my best to explain to y’all everything that’s been going on in my heart.
Maria Blessing, also known as Mary, is by far one of my favorite babies. She’s silly, absolutely crazy, fun-loving and all-around the best snuggler. Maria was on holiday for one month, and my heart ached to see her and hold her because that’s seriously how much I love her.
While she was on holiday, our social worker met with the paternal side of her family, and decided it was best to resettle Mary with her family. Well of course, that killed me even though it’s what I’ve been praying for. So, when I saw Mary for the first time in a month, I cried, and I’m not talking about one or two tears, but like holding her so tight while balling my eyes out crying. I was an emotional wreck.
Right now, I’m spending all the time I can with Mary, while preparing myself for when she leaves. It’s not easy, especially when she calls me Mama and follows me around everywhere. Seriously, my heart is melting.
If you remember a while ago, back in December, I talked about a little girl I was taking care of. Chosen stayed with me for several months while I helped nurse her back to health. She struggled with malnourishment and had heart problems, so I spent some time in the hospital visiting her and waiting during her surgeries.
Chosen was my girl, and I was her Mama. She would cry for me and she would cling to me, and she made my heart for a family grow even more. I knew I couldn’t be Chosen’s Mama forever, so I prayed for a forever family for her. The Lord answered that prayer on April 23rd with the most incredible family.
The night she left was hard, but the joy of the Lord comforted me like never before. I had peace in knowing that she was going to an incredible family, and I have peace in knowing that she is exactly where God wants her.
Esther is a new baby here at Mercy, and not just new to Mercy, but new to this world. She was born on May 1st and abandoned hours later. When we received her, we took her to the doctor and found scratches and bruises all over her body, along with a swollen eye. We also discovered that she has a very bad bacterial infection in her body and will have to receive treatment for the next several days.
As I write this, she is currently sleeping on my chest like a kangaroo. She needs extra one-on-one because that’s how sick she is. Literally, my heart is torn apart. I just don’t even understand nor can I comprehend why a Mama would do this to her baby. I’m in shock and I’m heartbroken, yet I’m so thankful she is safe here at Mercy.
For the next several days and maybe weeks, I will be taking care of her full-time. That means all her treatment, all her feeding, all her diaper changes will be on me as I nurse her back to health.
Three different experiences, three different heartaches and three different emotions, but one thing remains constant and that is the Lord helping me through this.
I’m asking that you would be in prayer over me. I ask that you would pray for my emotions, these transitions and supernatural energy and strength to get me through these days. The Lord is my strength and I know He has me here for this exact reason.