Being in Uganda, I feel like my eyes have been opened to the bad of the world and the overwhelming need for the Church. While I did see bad things while living in America, I don’t feel like it settled in my heart as much as it has here. I don’t think we truly understand the bad things of this world or what people go through until we experience it ourselves or see it up close and personal.
The other day, I sat in a police station for two hours to pick up a newborn who had been left to die by her mother. Today, I read on Facebook that a kid I knew from middle school, has been missing for four days. Last week, I heard about a shooting in Florida, and about a year ago, I learned that someone I went to high school with, committed suicide. And right now, my mind is seriously blank and I don’t even know what to think or what to do or even how to process all of this. Is that sad or normal?
I am going to be completely vulnerable with y’all and share with you what I wrote in my journal tonight because I don’t know why but I think it’s important to be vulnerable.
Sometimes it’s hard for me to remember that I am growing older and that bad things happen in the world, and that people you know either commit suicide or go missing. Sometimes it seems easier to remain naïve to the problems and bad things of this world than face them or even believe them. But sometimes easier isn’t best, sometimes facing the issues of the world and understanding that life isn’t perfect is exactly what we need to do. Oh Church, where are you? Body of Christ, lovers of Jesus, where are you? What are you doing? Are you evangelizing? Are you loving the crap out of people or are you judging them because of the abortions they’ve had or the depression they are suffering from? What are you doing to help? What am I doing to help? What am I doing at all?
I deal with abandoned kids every day, I deal with kids who have been extremely malnourished and kids who have seen the unexplainable. I hold babies in my arms who have been left to die by their mothers, and babies who have faced the unimaginable in their short years. I’d like to think that loving them is enough, but now I am questioning if there is more that I can do for them. I don’t want them to end up as broken adults who are making bad mistakes because of the choices their parents made, so I pray over them and who’ll they become, but now I am wondering if even my prayers are enough for them. Am I even making a difference? Is there more that I can do?
One of my best friends suffers from depression, and the questions are flooding my mind now. Am I doing enough for her, am I loving her enough, am I being there for her enough? People are dying, hearts are breaking, and families are suffering. Am I as a Christian, doing enough? Am I as a lover of Jesus, a pursuer of the Almighty, doing enough for His Kingdom?
What can I do? How can I help? My mind is now overwhelmed, but you know as always, God is good. While I was writing, I was simply reminded that God is still reigning and He is still on throne. So, while things don’t make sense, and bad things are happening and my mind is overwhelming me, I am going to choose to hold onto that hope that God is still on the throne and will forever be on that throne. And whatever the Lord gives me to take care of, I am going to give that thing or person my absolute best care and love because I’d rather make a difference in one person’s life rather than be stuck worrying about changing the rest of the world.
And that my friends, is my overwhelming thoughts on what is happening in this world. I don’t know that this will encourage you or help you, or if you even feel the same way that I do, and that’s okay. I just felt like I needed to share my voice and my thoughts.